“The retard in the next booth”

Mar02
2011 215 Comments Written by Jason

It was the last night my parents were town for their first visit real with their grandson, Eli.

Mom and dad didn’t get to Missouri very often and we were so happy they could spend time getting to know Eli.  Eli has autism and speaking on the phone isn’t something he likes to do.  Mom and dad had only seen Eli previously when E was a baby so they couldn’t really interact with him.  This visit was their first time with him after the diagnosis.

The week flew by us and we had some great moments.  When we went out to dinner the last night we had no idea that it could end very badly.

We went to a moderately busy Outback Steakhouse.  We huddled in the booth and made our orders.  Eli was behaving himself although he was really hungry.   We sat in the booth waiting for our drinks.  And waiting.  And waiting.  It took over half an hour for our drinks to get to us.  By this point, Eli was a little irritated.  He began to make little squealing noises.  They were shouts, they weren’t overly loud.  Enough that someone in the booths immediately next to us could hear it.

After 45 minutes, an appetizer arrived…and it was cold.  Eli didn’t want to eat it and I didn’t blame him because a bloomin’ onion feels kind of weird when it’s cold.  So Eli became more angry because he was hungry and now there was food he couldn’t eat.  He started telling us how hungry he was repeatedly.  Repetition is something autistic children can do when they’re upset.

An hour and fifteen minutes later…still no food.  Eli was squirming in his seat and again wasn’t being bad enough that I needed to take him outside (although it would have done no good to do so because it’s not like Eli was choosing to “act up.”)  People in the booths around us were looking at E when he would make noises so my father went to each table, apologized, explained Eli had autism and that he was acting up because he was hungry and we didn’t have anything edible in over an hour.  Most people were sympathetic.  An older couple actually gave us their appetizer so Eli could start eating.

That’s when a moment that I won’t ever forget happened to us.

Dad sat back down at the booth.  He and mom were talking with Eli while he ate and began to make some noises which I call “happy squeal.”  Dale was digging into the food as well pretending he wasn’t trying to take the food away from his brother.

The waiter for the table behind us walked up.  The booth had a man and woman and their two children.  The girl was working on a phone, the boy had some kind of MP3 player he was listening to while the couple silently ate their meal.As I sat looking at my son, I heard this exchange:

“And how is your meal.  Is everything OK?”

“Except for the retard in the next booth ruining things by making noise everything is fine,” the woman responded.

“I’m sorry about that.  Could I bring you a dessert to make up for it?”

I still thank God that the Holy Spirit was in me at that moment.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been pretty.  I thanked God I was the only one at our table who apparently had heard the woman’s comments.  My dad wouldn’t have been as forgiving as I surprised myself at being to this woman.  (You don’t mess with his grandchildren.)  And she used the word a few more times before the family finished their food and left the restaurant.

But it hurt.  Badly.  Mostly because this woman didn’t have a second thought about denigrating my son.  He was less than human to her.  He was just some “retard” whose noises somehow ruined a meal where her own children weren’t interacting with her anyway.

And the waiter?  ”Could I bring you a dessert to make up for it?”  I never spoke to that kid…he seemed in his late teens or early twenties…but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he just responded the way they did to every complaint from a customer.  That he didn’t really hear what the woman had said to him.

Imagine someone calling your child a retard.  Worthless.  Less than human.

(To their credit, when Outback found out about it, they responded quickly and decisively.  They brought us back for several meals on them.  They identified the woman who said those words and said she wouldn’t be welcome again in their restaurant.  It was a joy to see a business take something so seriously.  And it wasn’t just that the service was bad that night…they were furious a patron acted in the manner this woman acted toward us. )

Today is the national day for raising awareness to end the use of the word “retard.”  That word is as offensive to someone with special needs and their families as the six letter f-word, the n-word or the b-word.  If you use it, please stop.  If you hear someone else using it, ask them to stop.

The word’s not funny.  It’s not a “joke.”  It’s not even a word that doesn’t have a lot of synonyms for the “legitimate” definition for it making the need for using the word irrelevant.

Please help us spread the word to end the word.

(Edit to add: While Eli’s mom has been incredible with him, this is written by Eli’s dad.)

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  • Jodie

    This is both horrifying and beautiful at the same time. Your dad must be an incredible man. I was touched by his explanations to others, and by the restaurant for going above and beyond. But oh, how cruel can people be. If we’d all just think before we speak, instead of tossing out words without thought.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Dad is an incredible guy.

      And you would be surprised the number of people who use it. Some people think it’s “funny.”

  • http://jennyrain.com JennyRain

    “Imagine someone calling your child a retard. Worthless. Less than human”

    It’s the same as the impact that watching your father be called a “fag” has (which happened to me)… it leaves an indelible scar that can’t be erased.

    People want to be given compassion and mercy… but won’t extend it to others. Wasn’t there a scripture that talked about the merciless servant somewhere (18:21-35) ?

    To me, the delighted squeals of a child with special needs are so beautiful… and I have to believe that all of heaven smiles at them too.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      You know what I find interesting? The many of the people who would be up in arms for the f-word you used are almost always silent when it comes to the r-word being used against children like my son. There’s no call for the f-word you heard, the r-word we’ve heard or the n-word, b-word, etc. None.

      We need to stand up against all words aimed at degrading others. You can discuss controversial matters without derogatory words. We’re all better than that.

  • Kristie Harrison

    I applaud you for being more of a person than the so called female parent that said those uncaring words. I am also impressed with Outback and their response to the entire situation. Well done!!

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Kristie.

  • Kate9795

    May I re-post this on my site (making sure, of course, that people are aware that I am not the author of such a well written post and that you receive any and all credit)? I wanted to write something about ‘spread the word to end the word,’ but this is much more beautifully written and has much more power than anything that I would come up with.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Absolutely Kate.

  • Kym Grosso

    Heartbreaking but excellent story to read…Wish this thing didn’t happen often but it does. Many of us have been there. People really lack compassion.

  • Elpena1952

    Wow! You were filled with GRACE!! Not sure I could have held my tongue!!!

  • Twolilchunkymonkeys

    My 3-year old son is autistic as well and I completely understand. Kudos to you for your restraint that evening. I would have ordered a cup of scalding hot coffee to pour over her head.

    • Beckboo296

      It would have taken too long to get it…

  • B’s mommy

    As a mother of a little boy with Down’s I think you showed more restraint than I could have in that situation. I probably would have been over the booth before I even realized it. I applaud your restraint and bravo to Outback for righting someone else’s ignorant wrong!

  • Mishmiller1

    I am in tears that someone would treat this child like this… but CONGRATS to Outback Steakhouse for doing the right thing eventually!

  • Pamelamtyler

    Thank you for sharing this story. These personal stories are key, I believe to bringing this home to people. I applaud the Outback too for their response.

  • Anonymous

    Awful, beautiful story. Awful that a woman like this was anywhere near your son, beautiful you were so forgiving. I wouldn’t have been. At all. Your son is beautiful. Hopefully this woman learned a lesson.

    http://loveandchaosreign.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/6-letter-word/

  • bill (cycleguy)

    My mind went all over the place with this one Jason. First, for the grace you showed. Second, for the awesome father who would go table to table and explain. Third, for the lady who deserved to have her food spilled all over her. Fourth, to the young man who should have done the spilling :) but would have obviously lost his job. Fifth, to the restaurant who made things right and stood up to a jerk. Okay, so that wasn’t very nice but…. Now to the subject: I am fortunate that my mother would never allow any of her 4 to EVER use that denigrating word in her presence. I still cringe today whenever/if ever I hear that word. Thanks for sharing this and for making me aware of what today is.

  • Pcjoni

    So sorry this happened to you and your family. Thrilled with the way the Outback handled it. Maybe it was a learning experience for the waiter too!

  • Jfinzo

    I cannot believe that someone could be this ignorant!

  • Anonymous

    this is why kids today make fun of people who are diffrent, because mothers like that woman who called a child the R WORD, I am glad the outback is banning that woman from ever returning,

  • stefanie

    omg i think my mom would have flew off her chair an rip that woman a new one .i have autism also .i was called retard .but not till i was in my teens an my understanding of words was better did i no what it ment .an that when i beatr the crap out of this boy on my street who say it all the time to me .after that never agin .some adults act like 5th grade never grow up ingornt ,me an my friend will say the r word to each other as we feel we can it give it power an jokeing way but if a person we call nts use it they are in big trouble

  • Always Believe

    You know, it’s funny that I try to teach my children that ‘those’ words are merely consonants and vowels, yet I find myself (the mother of a special needs child) incredibly offended by the r word used synonymously with ‘stupid’. I don’t find someone calling some random irritant ‘stupid’ (ie. ‘How does someone get locked inside? That’s stupid’) nearly so offensive. But replace ‘stupid’ with the r word, I get bent.
    Maybe this word, this day should focus on how we utilize ALL words. Indeed we are neither superior or inferior to anyone. We simply just are.

  • Joe Simpson

    oh my… this has actually made me think about using the word. I usually don’t use the word anyway, but this has made me think about not using at all. Thanks <3

  • Fabfamx5

    thank you for sharing this story. I would not have been able to stay silent. Your son is precious and he deserves to be treated with respect at all times. He did better than a lot of typical kids would have done given the lack of service you got that night.

  • A Allen 25

    I have to applaud you. I am a mother of two boys, one which has autism. I do not know if I would have had the power to restrain from hearing a woman…if you want to call her that, say the r word. Kudos to you and Outback for stepping in. I reposted this. Many blessings to you and your family.

  • Maloney7baloney

    I would like to apologize to this little boy and his family for the way this woman behaved! It is deplorable!!! I am so sorry that a fellow so called human being would act this way!

  • Kelly

    ITS SO SAD FOR PEOPLE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY

  • rebecca

    omg…your story brought tears to my eyes! i totally know how you feel! my son is autistic and he makes his squels because he is non verbal! ive had a few bad experiences myself at restaurants! people can be so hurtful! and look at what shes teaching her kids! thats where it needs to stop! parents need to be a positive roll model! but in my case, im very verbal when it comes to my son! i let them know thats it not right to give my son dirty looks or talk bad about him! and i tell them, would you make fun of someone in a wheelchair? youre lucky that you have a great support system! as well as me! good luck and never give up on that handsome boy!!

  • Lovesrick

    I cant believe they actually found that woman. I enjoyed your article very much. Even before my son was diagnosed with Aspergers (after many many years of heartbreak, violence and misdiagnoses), I was the one at the next table who would smile. Id like to think Id be the one who gave your family their appetizer. Empathy and understanding is something the world needs to know and understand and APPLY one wonderful article like yours at a time.

  • Cydrik

    I grew up with a brother who has Down’s Syndrome. He was just over a year older than me. We grew and developed together, almost as twins. We began talking at the same time and learning to walk at the same time. I knew at an early age that he was different than me, but he was a constant in my life. I knew that I had a partner in crime. We both knew we had a brother to lean on and also protect. This was our reality. It was all we’d ever known. As we grew and met other kids our age I got to see the ugly side of human sociology. I’ll sum all up by saying that I got into many fights to protect my brother for being different. I heard the word retard used countless times and it still fires me up when I hear it. With all I’ve experienced, I still firmly believe that people have the right to say retard if they want to. It’s their right to showcase their own ignorance. They also have the right to reap the consequences of their ignorance, such as what happened at Outback (if I would have heard it, I would have made a scene )

  • SN_Mama_too

    I wish you’d have said something to the woman. You possibly could have used it as a teaching moment for her and her children.

    I am the mother of a severely developmentally delayed daughter and you bet your bottom dollar, I would say something.

  • Anonymous

    This is such a great post! I have actually had a time when I am glad that I did not hear what a woman said to my son because I would not have been as gracious as my father was and thankfully my son just let it roll off his back (which doesn’t normally happen).

  • Lenat68

    Well all I have to say is…Im a christian also, and the Holy Spirit in me might have spoken up, but ugly to say i probably would have tampered him down. Ive had to take up for my son thru school…he wuz assaulted by his TEACHER in a special needs class, where he had to go to the hospital, and many other different things that has happened throughout my sons life, but Im one of those mothers who has worked in jails and prisons most of my life, so altho I love the Lord dearly, Im ashamed to admit I would have caused a gigantic scene with words that the Lord would hate. Im the ONLY person besides my husband of course that are here to take care of my son, and I make it very well known that if I catch people making fun of him, if its a young kid, ill go to the parents, if the parents have the same attitude as the kid…then well..guess ill go to jail…Because Im gonna make sure they remember the time they made fun of a disabled child and I hope its when they’re going to the dentist to have some teeth replaced…I have NO TOLERANCE for that…and altho I dont handle some situations the best way, I know that God is still working on me and that one day Ill be able to handle things differently…but till then…Im ashamed that I know myself well enough that somehow they’re gonna remember the last time they picked on a disabled child!

  • http://twitter.com/rebeccannb rebeccannb

    Your grace in this situation is something I hope I can have if I am ever in that situation… although I pray that I am not. I have a brother who has Cerebral Palsy and I remember how people treated him growing up. My heart always breaks more when I hear stories like this.
    Thank you for being a great example! I will also retweet this article as well!

  • Rottenpch

    I am a teacher. At a middle school. They learn quickly from me this word, along with th 6f word, and the n word are one thousand percent unacceptable. They also learn they will hear the history of the word, definitions of the word and face a “talk” that resembles a sermon. If someone mistakenly slips, a hush will fall, head will hit chests. If I can’t teach them *anything* else, I try to make them each a better person… respectful citizens of our world. I’m sorry that happened to you. I wish I had been there… in an instant I would have spoken for you. The woman clearly needed to be educated.

  • Beckboo296

    I ignore a lot when it comes to the way people stare at my 8 year old, but that I would not have let go. I’d have given her a piece of my mind for sure. They wouldn’t have had to ban that lady because by the time I got done with her, she would have been too embarrassed to show her face there again. I, on the other hand, would have been banned for sure!

  • Kws1965

    I’ve taught children with special needs throughout my teaching career. It is very hurtful to me as a teacher to hear that word used. People are ignorant and do need to be educated. Regardless of the disability, the child or person should be recognized first. They are not disabled children. They are children with a disability. My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m glad I wasn’t there to hear her comment or I would have said something as a bystander.

  • Jean

    I worked 17 years in a facility that provided services to adults with developmental disabilities. I also had a neighbor boy with autism who was one of the most loving people I’ve ever known. It’s really sad when people use politically incorrect terms to label people. We are all children of God. We need to treat all people with respect. “If You Think of Nothing Else, Treat Your Neighbor as Yourself.”

  • Lddmay

    People who make these types of comments usually have never spent any time with children or adults with disabilities. Otherwise they would be aware of the incredible joy they can give and the humility they inspire. I work at a job center for
    adults with disabilities and have worked with individuals with challenges in a variety of settings since I was in my teens. The best way to end the use of this extremely prejudicial word and others like it is to expose as many young adults and
    children to this population as you can. Ignorance prevents acceptance and understanding. My heart goes out to this mother and her family because she had to endure this humiliation. One of my greatest joys is seeing one of employees
    accomplish a goal or task that some thought would be impossible. Apparently that rude mother also has little value for her own children by the sounds of how she was choosing to not interact with them. Unfortunately there will always be rude,
    ignorant, inconsiderate people to deal with. Sometimes it is easier to “kill them with kindess!”

  • Pingback: Spread the word to end the word / “The retard in the next booth” « Certificates of Observation

  • Lddmay

    I forgot to add that my former intern who now works at a local group home (after I helped influence her career choice), was out with all 6 of the group home clients and 4 staff. A gentleman at a nearby table was
    watching them rather obviously and she commented that she wanted to say something to him, thinking he was being rude. As they finished their meal and asked for the check, the waitress informed them that
    the check had been paid for the whole table by the man who had been watching them. I like to think that for every rude person like this woman in the story there is at least one angel like the gentleman who
    paid for my friend’s group.

    • Gertltd

      Apparently, this guy has had some kind of experience with special needs people, as opposed to the witch in the story! To all of us, I say, “You never know from where people come.” We all just assume…and look where it gets us!

  • gwo

    I’m glad to hear the restaurant handled the situation well after the fact. It’s too bad they couldn’t do as well while you were there! People like the woman in the booth next to you need to step out of themselves once in a while. How selfish and ignorant of her, and shame on the server who offered her extra goodies to appease her.

  • Lisa

    Kudos to Outback…and to the couple who offered their food. As for the ignorant woman- I would have loved to make a scene..however, confronting an ignorant woman like her sadly (probably) wouldnt have accomplished much. I struggle daily with friends and co-workers who use the word and KNOW that it offends me..and they apologize and go right on using it.I may have pointed out to the woman that she is very lucky to have been where she was, and that I am a non-violent Christian…because in many neighborhoods, you use any of a variety of ignorant “labels’ – you would find yourself in the E.R.- or worse. God Bless!

  • Lisa

    Oh, and after reading some of these comments , I would like to add- as a mother of a severely developmentally delayed child , a special SHOUT OUT to the special siblings of these kids!

    • Lddmay

      I totally agree with you, Lisa. The great siblings so often get overlooked!

  • I_dless

    I am glad this establishment stepped in and did something. A lot of businesses would just ignore you. It is terrible that people would treat anyone with such rudeness. How would this woman have liked for someone to make comments to her about herself or her children? If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all! My heart aches for this family, I know how much it can hurt. I pray this NEVER happens again, but sadly it will, this world is full of rudeness!

  • Angela Melum

    That did take a lot of strength not to say anything. I don’t think I could have held my tongue. Having one child with autism and another with heart problems and developemental issues is difficult and rewarding, but nothing brings out mama bear quicker than using those words. I’m glad the Holy Spirit was with you that night. (((Hugs)))

  • http://silenthearts.wordpress.com Morgan MacGavin

    Oh my gosh….i have chills and tears…i am furious at them…and overwhelmed by the compassion Outback showed. Wow. Just…WOW…I love you guys…and Eli is such a joy! The few times I’ve gotten to be around him, he is always the sweetest and I can’t imagine him being him without autism. I’m reminded of last nights episode of Parenthood when the little boy had a meltdown at the roller coaster park. People were turning in disgust. It sickened me to be reminded of how our society can be. I remember a priest years ago stopping a Catholic Mass–which you just don’t do. There had been a baby crying its eyes out and of course there had been plenty of people quite irritated that it was “ruining” the mass for them. The priest stepped out from the alter and said, “Jesus said to let the children come. To those of you disgusted at their cries, remember that it is music to God’s ears, and they are welcome here as much as anyone else.” I will never ever forget that. Eli is probably MORE welcome in the eyes of God being the child and individual he is. I’m proud of you for letting the Holy Spirit take over, and letting our Father take care of His children.

  • Tracy Kunkel

    I applaud Outback for doing the right thing and I cannot even begin to imagine how horrible it was to hear that Lady say those hoorible words about your child. i applaud you for not allowing humaness to step in and for choosing to be Jesus with skin on I hope this lady figures out how she would’ve felt if it would be her or her child.

    Thanks for teaching us all how we should regard God’s creation…..

  • Sandyinnewbury

    My son is developmentally delayed. One time years ago ay my own church an elderly man said to my son “What are you retarded?” i held back and later told the pastor who handled it. I was so hurt. My son didn’t notice, but I did.

  • http://theperkinsblog.net MichaelDPerkins

    Breaks my heart

  • Songbird

    That woman is lucky that you showed restraint. If someone said that about my child, that person would be needing a hospital and a priest. Glad that Outback actually found that woman who made those comments. Good for you for keeping it together.

  • Housethatjadebuilt

    Very nicely said! We all have something to offer, if only everyone would take the time to stop and look for it! I couldn’t have held my tongue as well as you did. My daughter is a mere 3 weeks old, and if anyone ever talks poorly about her, I’m afraid how I may react!

  • Bakerlowe

    ((hugs)) to you and your family..our little guy Daniel has DS and I have never had such a blatant experience of ignorance such as you had to endure, but I have had the looks and the stares…and of course I hear the R word on a daily basis..today, we spread the word to end the word as well..much love…from Susan and Daniel in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

  • jmommy904

    You are a wonderful woman. I can’t imagine the amount of self control it took to not smack that obnoxious woman. I worked for many years with autistic kids and loved each one of them. I am so impressed by Outback finding the woman and telling her she is no longer welcome in their restaurant. What wonderful, caring management. What a blessing you are to your son and the world for sharing this story.

  • http://www.mohan37.com/ mohan37

    I’m with you. Thanks for sharing your story..

  • Albertmayjr

    thank you for sharing this with us all

  • Mary Ellen

    People Are more then cruel they are stupid! I am so sorry you had to hear that about your baby. I would not have been able to restrain myself. I assure you. I can not abide that kind of behavior…it’s bad enough when a kid talks that way…but a grown woman and a MOTHER! No wonder her own family wasn’t talking to her. Or perhaps the whole family is as “enlightened ” as she. Bravo Mom you are the polar opposite of that woman and Bravo Outback. I think I’ll have to give them my business!

  • Meili

    It must have been very hard for you to hold your tongue. Many people, including myself, say we wouldn’t be able to do so, but sometimes the best thing is to not jump out and down someone’s throat about it. I’m very glad the restaurant took the matter seriously and apologized. My sister has Down’s Syndrome and it boils my blood to hear anyone use the “r” word so loosely especially in front or about her. The best we can do is keep educating people. I hope the “lady” found it so puzzling as to why they threw her out and made it a point to look up the word and why so many people advocate to end the use of it. I will pray her family get educated in this and pray that you keep having such a loving and supported family. You are very blessed for such a beautiful boy in your life :) Let’s keep getting the out the word to end the word!
    Hugs!
    Meili in Texas.

  • http://larryhehn.com Larry Hehn

    We have several autistic children at our church, and a couple with tubular sclerosis. They are precious members of our family. I can’t imagine anyone being so ignorant and rude as to speak about them or Eli that way. Kudos to you for keeping your cool.

  • http://www.1specialfamily.blogspot.com 1specialfamily

    Thank you for taking a stand! So many people don’t. Thank you also, for making Outback and its employees AWARE of the various types of people that frequent their restaurants. I am from Missouri also, and would love to know where this branch is located so that hopefully, someday my family can personally thank them.

  • Reg Mike

    So sorry that happened! My son is developmentally disabled and so I can empathize. Sometimes I just want to never take him out but I know that I cannot protect him that way. Next time as you order food ask for his meal to be brought as soon as it is ready and we always ask for crackers with the drinks just in case. I am glad Outback tried to fix things. We can only for sorry for that woman and her stupidit! Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.pridelandsmommy.blogspot.com *~Michelle~*

    So sorry that this all happened…… :(

  • Jcr7676

    this makes me remember a time when I took my son who had a stroke in utero to an all abilities playground where there were even wheelchair ramps to the upper levels so that no one would be left out. The entire playground was ALL abilities. My son wears an AFO on his foot to help him walk better and keep his heel down. I will never forget when I was helping him climb some rope gym and a kid pointed at him as he leaned over to his friend and said “haha he has to wear THAT on his leg.” Somehow I was able to stay calm and just stare at him until he got down and left to get away from being stared at. I had no clue where his mother or father were. But, it angered me that people bring their children to such places and do not educate them on what to expect when they go. It is these children who grow up to be the adults like the one you encountered at the restaurant. Uncompassionate, closed minded, inconsiderate human beings.

  • Suebbernard

    how very sad that people judge first, are moved to compassion later…

  • http://confirmtheworkofourhands.blogspot.com Shelley

    It’s horrible, what that woman said! I’m glad the restaurant took action against her, and did what they could to “make up” for her comment…though, really, does anything make up for hurting comments?

    We have a boy in our church with Asperger’s. He’s 16 or 17 now, but was about 11 when they started coming to the church (the family has 7 kids, he’s the oldest). At that time, nobody knew he had Asperger’s and people were often offended or taken aback by his actions or things he’d say. Once they found out, people would pretty much ignore it and accept it. Now, they don’t say, “Who’s that boy? Why is he acting like that? Where are his parents? Why don’t they do something?” (etc.). Now, everyone just says, “Oh, that’s just Sam.” Everyone now knows that he can’t help the things he says/does, and are more forgiving. He’s a great kid, highly intelligent, and an awesome piano player.

    I’m glad to hear you were able to handle the situation well. I don’t think I would have been able to hold my tongue had I been in your situation. Blessings to you and your family!

    P.S. I wonder if your wife could carry something in her purse for times like this…granola bars, fruit snacks, cheese and crackers…

  • amy

    my heart hurts so much for you in that moment. what a horrible role model that woman was to her own children. disgusting!

  • http://www.betachristian.com Moe

    I’m sorry you had to go through that. I would have been less nice about it for sure.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  • Cathy

    I’m sorry your beautiful son was talked about that way. I am so happy I wasn’t there, because since the death of my son, I have no problem speaking my mind to ignorant people. I think I would’ve said something about how rude and poorly raised her children were. I’m glad the restaurant took action against that snooty, ignorant woman.

  • Jazzyjklo

    Thank you for posting this. My son has Down syndrome and when people say that word around me I show them his picture and ask them to never say it again.

  • Sam

    I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I am even more sorry the couple next to you took more interest in degrading your child than engaging with their own. It could have been a wonderfully teachable moment for that couple to show tolerance to their own children. Shame on them.

  • Jenelle

    Wow, I am so sorry about this. My 4 1/2 yr old nephew has autism too, he has a hard time understanding patience. I am a born again christian, and through Christ I as well have been able to forgive people for the things they have said about him. it hurts, but by Gods grace, I have been able to forgive and Love gabe as he is!! I tell you what he is by far the ahppiest kid I ever seen!!!

  • Momside

    WOW. I LOVE Outback’s response to the woman, banning her from the restaurant. Yay that you had that moment of control. It is really difficult to restrain myself when people talk about MY kids in an insulting way, and I’m not even dealing with extra issues. Kids will be kids, for goodness’ sake, and people need to get over it. And when the kids have other things going on that are out of our control, people need some serious grace. This woman had NONE, and I hope she falls into a vat of it.

    BTW, I have NEVER been to Outback and waited less than an hour for my food. That place—the dozen or so that I’ve been to—is simply made for long waits.

  • Amanda

    My oldest has Aspergers. He is only mildly Autistic but believe you me when I tell you we have our moments as well. I completely agree with you as parents. I wouldn’t have been so nice. The lady would have been apologizing by the time I got done with her. I applaud you for your restraint! I dislike it when someone looks down on my child or calls him names. They don’t know him. If they only took the time, they’d see he was a good kid and very smart. People need to take the time to get to know and appreciate God’s special People. They have a lot of things to go through in life and don’t need ignorant people making it worse!

  • Jens6254

    I am blessed with two children, neither of which have any condition. I am appalled as a parent and a woman that the woman felt it was okay to hurt you and your family in such a way. No one in this world is perfect and I’m sure at one time or another one of her children may have been annoying someone, somewhere. You and your family seem to be wonderful people and I think you handled the situation a whole lot better than I would have!

  • Mary

    Thanks for sharing your story. My child has Asperger’s and we have our moments, too. I do feel judged as a parent quite a bit because she doesn’t always act or react to some situations in a normal manner. I also lead her Girl Scout troop and have a few special needs girls in my troop who can be trying at times. When I had a dad come to me and complain about the behaviour of one of the girls and then blame her social skills on her parent’s parenting skills I was also thankful for the Holy Spirit’s intervention. I get so tired of parents who have seemingly “perfect” children passing judgement on those children and their parents who aren’t quite “perfect”. And what is perfect? We are all made in the image and likeness of God. So the child with slight autism or severe autism is also made in the image and likeness of God and deserves the same respect and dignity as everybody else.

  • Loulou61350

    It wasn’t that long ago that “We” were those ignorant people. Getting a wonderful grandson that happens to be “delayed” has cured us from even thinking those thoughts let alone speaking them. We wouldn’t trade him
    for the world.

  • Pingback: Spread the word: The r-word hurts! « Rare Gems

  • Dyer6711

    A men let us all give thanks to God for giving us these very special children that by the way they are really opened up our eyes to a very precious world of love be cause these children not not know hate but only love

  • Dee Strahan

    I can’t believe people are so rude, hateful, and inconsiderate to other people. As a mother to a special needs daughter who has digeorge syndrome, I dread the day that my baby girl is ever degraded or made fun of for her disabilities. I feel like she is perfect in every way and god made her who she is and I would do absolutely nothing to change this beautiful baby girl that god chose to be my daughter. I would however take away all of the pain she has to endure due to numerous medical problems. I wish that people could “take a walk in our (special needs parents) shoes.” They would realize how this is not a burden for us but most of us see this uniqueness as a blessing!! I feel so blessed in the way that I get more appreciation out of seeing my daughter do things and learn new things that we never knew she would be able to do. Just remember that this is why god chooses special parents for his special little ones, not someone like these people who are so negative!!

  • Debzme

    I am a care giver that supports people with disabilities. The sad thing is that it’s my generation that takes offence to those with special needs and the younger generation are open to exceptance of those that are different. I love the diversity of our country and celebrate althoughs that are open aswell. Thank you and Peace.

  • Nancy

    I can sympathize with you. My son Carl is 31 y/o and has Autism. It is nice to see people respond to him positively more now that it is getting to be easier to understand, but when he was little it was horrible. I had a few episodes like this where I just went out of a place crying and trying not to despise the people who treated him worse than a mongrel dog. These people will get their reward in the end, but Carl is so funny and special, he just laughs at them. He has the right idea! I hope we can ban this word and all hurtful words, but people who are just plain ignorant will always be around. God bless you and Eli! He looks like a treasure!

  • Beth

    How Horrible! My son has ADHD, Aspergars and type 1 diabetes. We’ve gotten some odd looks before to which I have either glared back or taken opportunity to educate, but never such blatant ignorance and rudeness. I’m so glad your little boy didn’t hear the hurtful words.It amazes me that people can barely interact with their own children, yet they pass judgement on the rest of us.

  • Im Such A Brat

    your story brought tears to my eyes,i also have a “SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD” as does my sister. people have said some awful things about my son and have used the R word, i get very defensive cause he is a human being. I just wish people who have a ” normal ” child would understand what our children are put through, and me as a mother want to protect my child at all cost.

  • Amanda Poole-Loggains

    I can’t believe that someone would act this way towards a child. I have friends who’s children are “special” and I treat them no differently than a “normal” child. I mean what is really normal anyway? This woman should be ashamed of herself and never come out of her house again!!

  • mark

    its just sad when people dont understand something its either stupid or retarded to them they really need to get a dictionary and look up the meaning to there words before they say them
    hats off to every parent or caretaker of any child with special needs i applaude you

  • Christina

    People that react this way have no idea what they are losing out on. Special needs= SPECIAL! I am a better person for having been raised by one special person in my family. I am PROUD that he was my family!

  • Corriannasimon

    everyone should take five minutes out of their day and read this please

  • Monika Olsen

    I wanted to add that this was a very touching story. From one mother to another I sympathize with the hurt of those words regarding your precious son. I believe that if I had been in your situation, it would not have ended pretty. I myself have lived through the tormenting of one child to another and it is devistating. All the mental anguish, name calling, or even god forbid spit wads thrown that direction will create such an inner strength in the ability to deal. I grew to tell myself that Every experience I had been through made me the person I am today. Spit wads or no spit wads I doubt I would be the same if it had not happened to me.

  • Maryanne

    If this woman has the stupidity to make such an incredibly awful remark it shouldn’t be any surprise that her children don’t talk to her. All her behavior shows is self loathing. She is to be pitied and prayed for more than scorned. She may feel good about herself because her children have the latest electronic devices but shows an overwhelming and shocking amount of ignorance.

  • Kim Payne

    Ignorance is no excuse for comments like that…sadly we seem to lack sensitivity training in many homes and teachers are over-whelmed with the numbers of children with emoitional needs to be able to focus on a dollop of thoughtfulness and common sense at school…Think of this mother as a ‘SPECIAL NEEDS ADULT’…God only knows what makes a person turn out like that…I will Choose ‘Outback Steakhouse’ next time we go out to eat! They took a stand…my kind of place! MY Mouth and emotions would not have had your Grace…You are an amazing mother…and even more a gifted human-being…controlled and poised…Eli will go far with you in his life…oxox

  • Bunnywith5

    I am so sorry your son was demeaned by someone so ignorant. It’s truly disgusting. I have 5 children. 3 are on the Autism Spectrum, 1 is neuro-typical and my youngest is too little to know if he’s special needs. My heart goes out to you and your family. We love Outback and this story makes me love them even more. I’m impressed how they handled the situation. It’s an awesome restaurant that bans someone so cruel. Kudos to the manager for speaking up for special needs!

  • vickiescott

    Kudos to you and Outback. I wouldnt have been as strong as you by not saying anything. I am happy Outback reacted the way they did, wish more businesses followed suit. You have a very handsome young man, cherish him and every moment and pray for the ignorance of others.

  • Kimberly Langley

    I do not have autism. However, I am legally blind in one eye and almost completely blind in the other. I was born with congential glaucoma that left me to struggle through a lifetime of limited sight. Now at the age of 30, my sight is at its worst. I have had people make cruel comments to my face to the effect of “What are you blind?!!” when I ask for help to see something I can’t on my own. I am so sorry you had to experience this at all. The cruelty some people can have when they are selfish and choose not to understand someone else’s limitations is unbelievable. I pray God will continue to bless you and your family. My sister is a special education teacher (struggling to find a job again) whose heart is meant for children like your son. I believe kids like Eli and I are given to very special parents for a reason. Your heart and spirit are what gives us another day!!! Blessed be!!

  • Talulah

    I just went to the Outback Facebook page and posted a link to this story. I am so sorry you had to go through this.

  • Plsisco

    That’s why we do what we do!!! Thank you for sharing and I will share and so will others and the word WILL get out!!

  • Joey’s Sister

    Great story. As a sib with 14 years on my brother, I was an angsty teen when people started staring at him (he has CP, and is in a wheelchair. He also makes happy squeals). I did not react kindly to those people. Now I just like to stare back at them, like they have something growing out of their eyeballs. I find that works every time. :)

  • Mckenzie Slater

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I have a cousin with CP and she is in a wheel chair she also had mental issuse so she sometimes druels and makes noise. I have also had something similar to this happen to us. But you know I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. I love her just the way god gave her to us. God Bless you and your son and family. And may god bless the lady that made that comment that she opends her heart and mind.

  • Mel

    When people feel the need to denigrate others, it shows many things about their character, or lack, thereof. They lack compassion, empathy & respect for their fellow human beings, but most of all they show their ignorance & the ugliness,that they carry in their heart & mind, comes out, for all the world to see. They are to be pitied & so are their children, they have failed & are raising their children to do the same.

  • Whodges

    I have two SPECIAL NEEDS children and I have had many people use that word and I have said many time to the people old and young that my children was the smartest one out of all of them because they don’t make fun of anyone never say bad words I think this why GOD gave us these children just how BAD those people would be as sibbings or parents to these children

  • Reneeleisey

    its a shame that there r such rude & ignorant people in the world! I hope that lady feels real ashamed & I hope she teaches her kids 2 have better manores!

  • Guyco

    It is so hard to believe that people can be so cruel. Do they not even take a nano second to think that people with disabilities did not ASK to be born with it? Do they not think, there but for the grace of God, go I? Do they think it’s cool to label someone who is different? Or do they not think at all? I am thinking the latter is the case. They don’t think at all. They just want to get back to their perfect lives. Hurry to get out the door. Hurry to get to the movie. Then they meet someone in a wheelchair in the movie theater that makes them have to take a few extra steps to walk around it. Mumbling under their breath, what a retard.

    They don’t think that someday they will be judged for the way they have treated others. They don’t think, because they dont’ care. I don’t understand that way of thinking.j

    This word needs to be erased from the human vocabulary. There are NO perfect people on this planet. Think about it. The next time you year someone use that word, step up and ask how they could be so cruel.

  • http://www.steeletheday.com Candy

    Simply amazing. You handled this with much more grace and aplomb that I would have. My mom’s brother had Down syndrome – the first time I ever heard him called “retarded” was when I was little and I remember it reduced me to tears. I was young, innocent, and loved playing with him. That was decades ago and I’ve never forgotten the hurt it caused.

  • Jeneeandaraya

    Einstien did not talk until he was about 4. That comment the women made shows just how ingnorant she realy is.

  • http://brokenwon.blogspot.com/ won

    I’ve not read the other comments and I don’t really want to because I don’t want to be influenced in what I really feel and want to say. It is beyond reprehensible that the woman spoke like that. Without a doubt.

    But it also hurts my ears, heart and head to hear you say it here. You used a different discretion when mentioning the “f-word, the n-word or the b-word”, but chose to say the r word. I don’t like it and wish you hadn’t.

    And for the record, I had a daughter who on paper was the r word. But she wasn’t in life.

  • Annetta

    I think this blog post has gone viral today. And such an excellent one it is.
    I’m involved in at least two discussions on facebook with this.
    May I say I Adore your family picture. A relaxed Father, a caring mother turning into her family and a beautiful son, cradled and well loved.
    thanks you for sharing and the one incident all parents of autistic children fear and your gracious example!

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Actually, that’s Eli’s grandparents with him.

  • Donna

    I know thos can’t compare to what you went through my son was probably about 10 years old and it was before his braces he had bad buck teeth We were in Pizza Hut and these jocks from high school were makeing fun of his buck teeth. He shut his mouth tight and we were ready to leave and take his food home where he could eat. The jocks were in line in front of us pulled out a Pizza Hut coupon to use and the manager refused to accep it the y wanted to know why and she said I seen how you treated that little boy over ther you will pay full price and shockedas they were they had to scramble for money and pay full price.

  • http://snotw.blogspot.com Rachael1013

    Oh. My. God. This made me cry. I’m so sorry that happened. As a 30 year old woman, I did have to change because when I was younger this was a slang word we used all the time. Now that I’m older, and a parent myself, I understand how hurtful it can be and have worked hard to make sure it’s not said around my 5 year old.

  • Jeanne Malson

    You had so much more class than the other woman had. I feel sorry for their children, and how much they are missing out on knowing your son or another child that is special. I hope that she comes to realize what she is missing by not knowing how special our children are. We have been here also, and it hurts.

  • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

    Thank you everyone for your kind words, prayers and repostings today. It means a lot to my family and I.

  • Peggybrett

    The Special Mother
    by Erma Bombeck

    Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

    This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

    Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

    “Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint…give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

    “Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia.”

    “Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew.”

    Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a handicapped child.”

    The angel is curious. “Why this one God? She’s so happy.”

    “Exactly,” smiles God, “Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

    “But has she patience?” asks the angel.

    “I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’ll handle it.”

    “I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

    “But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.” God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect – she has just enough selfishness.” The angel gasps – “selfishness? is that a virtue?”

    God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a ‘spoken word’”. She will never consider a “step” ordinary. When her child says ‘Momma’ for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!”

    “I will permit her to see clearly the things I see…ignorance, cruelty, prejudice….and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side”.

    “And what about her Patron saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

    God smiles, “A mirror will suffice.”

  • Siamese8200

    I just wanted to say that I know how this is. I have a 2.5 year old son who is currently in EI. We saw many signs of Autism as he has grown up. But not he is starting to progress in school. We have held off on getting a diagnosis just yet. When my son couldn’t point or comunicate with us he used to make that squeal noise. I’ve had so many people give comments and or looks. I’ve managed to not give them my time but have lost it a few times. I don’t think I hate anything more in life than the “R” word. I’m pretty emotional just reading this story. I get very upset hearing about this terrible behavior in our world. YOu are such an amazing person. I really like the previous comment on here as well. “The special Mother” I’ve cried so many nights asking God “why me?” And why my son? God Bless you and your family!

  • Kschneider923

    What a wonderful story. Sad that it happened. I can’t imagine being this mother, I don’t know that I could have been that nice. I am so very glad to here that Outback responded so positively. And Eli is right. I would have made alot of ‘noise’ if my blooming oniion had been cold.

  • Janeriviere

    I am so sorry you as a Mother had to suffer such a hurtful moment…and I too am grateful 1/ no other family members heard the exchange at the time
    and more importantly that 2/ the Outback Co. responded in such a CORRECT manner, post incident. As the president of the local Down Syndrome Assoc. I will share this story with our members and if I am choosing an eating establishment will rememeber the swift action of this coorperation. Our daughter is 22yr. and I have lost count of the number of times the R-word has been used in our presence without thought of how it might affect us. We should as a world actually ban some words with fines attached…..unfortunately this is just One such word…but it so hurts at the time !!!

  • Mad Pastor

    I am so sorry for your experience. I am grateful for you allowing your maturity to be victorious over that woman’s immaturity. (It’s the nicest way I could describe her.)

  • Janeriviere

    oops here is the rest …my true love
    -the birth of 2 beautiful girls
    -our oldest with Down Syndrome ..surviving open heart surgery at age 1
    -this January our oldest out in the world ..was hit by a car…her only injury
    after being thrown 18ft was a broken Femur…yes she need surgery to repair
    but not another “scratch” on her entire body
    -the accident occurred in front of the local Police station so the “right” people were there and stayed with her until we got to the hospital
    So I know she is always being “watched”..I don’t go to church nearly enough but I absolutely believe and am thankful daily for our blessings as a family
    Jane in Canada

    • Lyon Anderson

      i am a police supervisor, cops get dinnged all the time, but 99 percent of us do the job to the best we can over and over. we are good people that give up bigger careers for the love of helping others. thank you,makes me keep going(done in 6 years, can not handle crap anymore), that is 22 yrs. of my life and do not regret any second of it. I like to believe that as a race everyone should do that, but I have seen first hand how people walk away,just not right.

  • Www Jeffandtrish

    As a mom of a child with asperger syndrome, I am very grateful for this article on many levels, but especially to Outback for their fantastic response to the family once they were made aware of the situation. This is a business I will be proud to patronize.

  • Moni

    I have a son with autism myself, and have dealt with some pretty interesting attitudes while out in public, on airplanes, etc., but nothing this blatantly hurtful. A friend of mine had a son, who has Asperger’s, who was assaulted in a restaurant by the waitstaff, all because he was “taking too long” to make up his mind about an order. I commend your graciousness in rising above and forgiving. A huge “good on ya, mate!” to Outback for setting the “lady” straight! ;) It’s a tough journey. Just know that you’re not alone…

  • Coupons

    It sounds to me like Eli did a great job of holding up under extreme pressure. I know I would have been furious with service like your family received and I would have had a bigger hissy fit than Eli’s grumblings. That other woman was the retard: intelligently retarded, empathetically retarded, emotionally retarded, verbally retarded and apparently she can be bought for the cost of a dessert, so she’s cheap too.

    • Annmnop

      Please, don’t use this word. Especially here.

      • Coupons

        It was not used as an insulting phrase, but as it’s definition of “to delay.” You can’t argue with the fact that that other mother was seriously lacking in intelligence, empathy, and vocabulary. I just found it ironic that she of all people thought that somehow Eli was lacking. I thought that this story showed how much MORE Eli is than that other woman.

  • Mw01w6072

    Thanks for sharing. Eli looks a real cute kid. Outback did the right thing to take offence at her words and their action was one other companies need to look up to.
    Has a parent of a child with special needs, their are many ways to describe my son, happy, bright, cute, caring, beautiful, cheeky, mischievous, a little monkey at times, hard work at times but never the r word. It is degrading and dehuman, it does not sound nice or make the person saying it clever, cool or smart. It shows lack of compassion understanding and complete disrespect for others. My son would never say something to another person like that, so why should he be on the receiving end of something so cold and unkind?

  • Tonia

    We had a similar thing happen at a Denny’s only instead of offering training for their employees like we wanted we were passed off to the District Manager (which I understand) but then we never heard from Denny’s again.

  • Anonymous

    I was so happy to hear that Outback responded the way they did. Thanks for writing this and for spreading the word!!! Love to Eli and your family.

  • http://www.brooklynbutler.blogspot.com Specialmommyx2

    WOW – some people just do not think before they speak – although someone like this might still speak hurtful words even after thinking. I am so sorry you had to experience this = but am very thankful Outback responded the way they did. That speaks volumes!
    I am a mommy of 2 special needs kiddos so I am one of those people who “get it” HUGS to you today!

  • Ellenb

    My sister had the same experience at the Shakespean Theatre in Chicago when my nephew was clapping at “inappropriate” times. A manager asked her to leave. To their credit, when we complained, the management responded immediately.

    • Coupons

      I was told to control my kids or leave a plane. They were tired and cranky and had been up a long time. Granted, they were arguing about the window seat, but it wasn’t as bad as some of the other kids screaming in the back (we were in first). We were told that we were ruining the ambiance (it was a really cheap first class, so that wasn’t our fault if the ambiance was ruined). They made me switch seats with my son and put him next to a stranger. Now imagine an autistic kid with an anxiety disorder having to sit next to a stranger… I had to tranq the poor child to get him to stop crying. And to top it off, I had several passengers come up to me and tell me how sorry they were for me that my kids behave like that!

  • mochick

    I’m pretty sure that if I had to wait that long for food, I’d be squealing and repetitiously stating how hungry I was too! That other diner is probably just a miserable person all around since her own kids were tuned out while they were out to dinner with her. Bless your little boy’s heart, I hope he is shown more tolerance than that on a daily basis! People that hateful should stay at home where the rest of us don’t have to be exposed to them.

  • Carollozano

    I am amazed at how unsensitive people can be. All children are created in God’s image and are beautiful.

  • Nighmare Ash

    I am surprised by the actions of the steakhouse.

  • Countess Nightmare

    I am surprised the parents didn’t keep their kid at home where he belongs. A kid who makes noises as the parents said, should not be taken out in a public setting where he is going to be making noises and disturbing other patrons who are paying money to have a nice meal. The management should ahve asked the people with the noisy kid to leave not told the other people they weren’t welcome any more.

  • Rebecca

    I wonder how Outback “found the woman”? That just doesn’t sound plausible…..

    But I’m sorry for your experience. People are so awful sometimes.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      I don’t know exactly how and I didn’t push for details. However, if they paid by credit card, knew the time it happened and the table where the family was sitting it wouldn’t be hard to identify them. I know they knew the last two items so if they used a credit or debit card they probably could have ID’d them.

    • My2Miracles

      Rebecca, depeending on how big a community it is and how payment was made it could be very easy actually!

    • Julie

      If she paid her bill by credit, debit or check, then she was very findable. I would have sent her a ‘not welcome back’ card.

  • upset mom

    that child has as much right to enjoy a night out as any other child just because he makes noise doesnt mean he should be an outcast. i suppose you think that just because my 8 month old likes squealing when she is hungry i should keep her at home to. people need to learn to be more tolerant i mean that child cannot control what he is doing and he did not choose to be that way so leave him alone.

    • Jcr7676

      I can’t find the post of the cold hearted, insensitive, and I’m being nice right now by calling her a person who wrote that Eli should be made to stay home but personally why isn’t SHE made to stay home? Ignorant people shouldn’t be allowed to dine out and disturb those of us who are paying customers treating our special needs children to a nice dinner. Shame on her.

  • Kathie_Kershner

    Amen, what a great Dad you are for writing this article. More kids need caring Father’s like yourself. Kathie

  • stefanie

    some people are just so ingorent an low class .that there nothing you can say to them sometime i ingore those people they just dont no how to respond to no comments comming back

  • http://twitter.com/katdish katdish

    One of the most difficult things about having kids, especially kids with special needs (I’ve got an Asperger’s kid myself), is the harsh reality that we can’t be there to protect them from the cruelties of this world. And there are plenty. Sorry this happened. That just sucks.

  • Songbirdgrl

    Pasted from your article…
    Imagine someone calling your child a retard. Worthless. Less than human.

    So was worthless and less than human her definition of the word ‘retard’ or was that yours? Retarded does not mean worthless or less than human. That is what you think it means. Maybe she is not the only ignorant person in this story. This chain establishment tracked down this woman and banned her just because her use of a word offended you? Unless you own this particular chain, I find that hard to believe.

    • Mary Renee

      Your logic is a little flawed. What if someone used the “n” word or the “c” word in the restaurant. Would it matter if the person who used it happens to define that word differently? No. The word “retard” is de-facto offensive.

      Anyway, the woman is a whiny little bitch anyway who plugs her own children into technology to shut them up and expects a quiet meal at an Outback. I wouldn’t want her in my restaurant either.

  • Celtics17

    Kudos to both Eli’s dad and mom, as well as to Outback for acting on this situation! I have a 29 year old nephew who has Down’s Syndrome, and he has brought happiness, humor, warmth, love, and joy to all of our lives. There is a reason these people are called “special!” Unlike the insensitive, shallow woman in the next booth who’s children weren’t even interacting with their parents – their technology was more important than sharing a dinner conversation with their parents. I wonder why? Pretty obvious. I cringe when I hear “that word”and have banned the use of it from my house. My children’s friends are all aware, ranging in age from youth to adult. They apologize if they “slip” with the word, and it has made them aware of the individuality and dignity of all, no matter what life has dealt them. I applaud the declaration to raise the awareness to end that offensive word! Wishing Eli’s family, and all of those experiencing similar situations, health, happiness, and success with all endeavors in life.

  • Nanamamagramma

    amen they need more parents and adults to speak up for the oness who cant help themselves they didnt ask to be born this way or to become this way if you need to call names or cant stand behaiors then stay out of the place where it s happening or become more considerant of it smile and say its ok

  • http://twitter.com/Cranio_Mommy Christina’s Journey

    I second that Nanamamagramma!! I have heard it said about my daughter and it is up to us to raise awareness and stop the madness! Awareness = Knowledge = Less Ignorance!!

    Christina’s story – http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/little_christina

  • http://www.AnAuthenticLife.com An Authentic Lfe

    I am so sorry you had to experience this.
    I’m even more sorry for the woman who make the denigrating remark. Obviously she has a very sad little life and is not willing to see beauty all around her.
    Hug Eli for me! {Not sure I would be so humble after waiting that long for food either!}

  • Prototd

    @Songbirdgrl – though I see and understand your point that Eli’s family cannot know exactly how this particular woman defines the word “retard”, I would ask this: Have you ever heard the word “retard” used in any other way than derogatory? “Retarded” as a clinical description and “retard” as label for a person are not the same thing. We also don’t know the tone in which this woman made her remark, which would also have given insight to the meaning she intended.
    As far as the manager banning the woman from that particular restaurant, I think this is completely plausible. Could it be that he or she would have done the same thing had a patron used another, less acceptable term to describe another patron, say one disparaging that patron’s ethnicity, religion, or race? I can totally see that person being at the very least asked to leave, if for no other reason than to avoid any altercations within the establishment. Or could it be that the manager is also touched by autism, Aspergers, or PDD-NOS, and understood the insensitivity and down-right cruelty AN ADULT DIRECTED TOWARD A CHILD?
    What I find even more reprehensible is that Eli’s grandfather had already explained the situation and OFFERED THEM AN APOLOGY. What was the point in even mentioning it to the server after that? What’s the server supposed to do? Kick the kid out? I’m guessing that to the grandfather’s face she was all understanding smiles, but she had to let her true nature out some way. So why not take her momentary inconvenience of a less-than-silent meal (and who goes to an Outback expecting a quiet meal?) out on a child who was doing really quite well coping with a situation that any of us “normal” people would have had problems dealing with. How many adults would have been as good at waiting 30 minutes just for drinks, much less over an hour for our food? I’ve seen adults make huge scenes in restaurants for far less.
    I get your “we can’t ban people for the use of a word” point. I do. I believe political correctness and sensitivities have gotten to the point of boarding on the absurd. But you have to admit that you only know what you’ve read here. You weren’t present for this particular event, and therefore cannot know the nuances of the exchange.
    My heart goes out to Eli and his family. I read this story through tears. I have been in your position, though thankfully without the rude lady in the next booth. I applaud your self control, as I’m afraid I wouldn’t have handled it so well, had it been my child who had been insulted in such a way.

    • Songbirdgrl

      I agree with most everything you have said and I am sure the word retard was meant to be derogatory as I have never heard used any other way but my point is you can’t fix stupid. You can try and quelch ignorance and I think forums such as this can do that. I know for myself, I have been that person in a public place thinking, “why would they bring that loud kid here?” I have also been that person with a baby that just wouldn’t quite down. If the story is correct, the writer is the only one who heard the comment so he was the only one offended…not the child nor any other member of the family until the writer decided to make it known. But I guess the thing I find most hard to believe is that this establishment would go to the trouble of tracking down the family through a credit card receipt or any other means and then ban them just becasue they used a word that offended one person, maybe two if the waiter was offended. If that is true, I am gonna keep my ears open in public places for the next ignorant and derogatory remark or word I hear and see if I can get them banned. Maybe we can get a movement started and move it all over the nation and in a few months, all public places will be free of offenses. Anyone who believes that has got bigger problems than being offended.

  • Carissadawn

    It makes me sad to hear that this woman would say this to begin with, but to think that she is a mother as well, and is probably passing her own ignorance on to her children…this is even more sad. :(

  • Berrybluepanda2

    I’m sorry to hear people still use that stupid word..

    • Songbirdgrl

      Yeah…it is so much worse than stupid!

  • Berrybluepanda2

    Plus, she has kids who’s to say what her grandchildren will have to go through. What will she be like if that happens to her loved one’s?

  • Wdworkman

    I believe it is also somewhat generational. I have heard many people in their 80′s & 90′s refer to disabled children as ‘retarded’ with absolutely NO deragotory intentions. I’m sure that most of us today are teaching our children not to use the term.

    • Okcmouseketeer

      I only wish this was true. My daughter also has autism, and while at the mall the other day, a teenager called her retarted, and the parents just laughed and pointed fingers at us.

    • Carissadawn

      I agree that sometimes older people will use outdated words to describe things. I knew an older gentleman who constantly referred to people with Down’s Syndrome as “Mongoloids”. Is that term even used anymore?

  • Betty Elliott

    I believe it is generational as well. However my mom who is 86 doesn’t use any of these words. At the present she is concerned that her great great grandson make have autism and no one has caught it yet. Unless you are connected to an autisic child, you are real aware of this. But whether a child has austism or some other condition, people need to be more aware. All child are a child of God and that child is just more special and brought on this earth for a reason.

  • Lairds4

    I have a 3 year old grandson with downs, he is the most perfect person to me. I am like your dad, I would probably go off on someone that would hurt him in any way. By the way your son is so adorable.

  • Mary Williamson

    people are so ignorant that they don’t realize that people with disabilities also have feeling and can be better friends than so-called normal people

  • Keshar

    Unfortunately autism is frequently greeted with such horrid behavior and attitudes. I am reminded of when D was moved into Paquin Tower in good old Missouri. D was an adult with a computer science degree. The building he moved into was an apartment building for physically, mentally, emotionally, culturally challenged people. The first strike against D, in my opinion, was that the management did not let anyone know (even those of us who worked there) that an autistic person was moving in and here arr some guidelines for working with such a person. Apparently a disability is a disability is a disability..

    D was greeted with the same attitudes from the other residents. He’s retarded! He’s weird! He won’t shut!

    Didn’t seem to matter when one tried to explain he was autistic. Didn’t matter he had an education and wanted to work (not something any of them were striving for). Didn’t matter when one tried to offer suggestions on how to talk to him.

    It was all sad and unnecessary. D was a wonderful young man. I hope he is doing OK. Unfortunately, he has gotten a first hand lesson on the problems associated with trying to fix stupid.

  • Mary Grace Caudill

    As the grandmother of two children with special needs I will not tolerate the ingnorance of people that have to lable my precious grandchildren in a hurtfull manner. I will not keep my opinion to myself and let it slide by. They will hear me.

  • Tammypenrod8

    People don’t realize what a blessing special need’s children are. God help the ignorant people who critisize these special children. I wouldn’t want to be in there shoes when they stand before God Almighty.

  • http://twitter.com/moody_mommy Katrina Moody

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I, too, will be joining in the pledge, though to me it is the act of making public something I already believe. You see, something similar happened to us when our kids were young. And autistic. In public.

    Isn’t it amazing what a crime an innocent child in public can commit by expressing, in the only way they know, their discomfort or pleasure in the world going on around them.

    I’m not the same shy, young mother. I rarely stay quiet in such situations any longer. But it is sad, isn’t it, that the joy or hurt of a child, however expressed, is a reason for ridicule or disdain instead of compassion and care.

    Know that you are not alone.

    Katrina

  • Crash24

    It’s pretty sad that a woman with a disabled child refers to one that has retardation as “worthless” and “less than human”. Way to promote the cause.

  • Dhamill56

    you were very srrong not to stand up and give the dead beat mom a peice of your mind!Shame on her!

  • Dante Cox

    that lady was retarded

  • Anonymous

    When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. Proverbs 10:19 (NIV)

    One who is clever conceals knowledge, but the mind of a fool broadcasts folly. Proverbs 12:23 (NRSV)

    In your situation, the one who spoke up revealed her foolishness. You were Godly in your decision to hold your tongue.

  • Abikate

    I would rather spend an hour with an autistic child than 5 minutes with some teen agers that I have met or tier parents.

  • Terri

    I am glad that you were able to stand steady for your son’s sake. A confrontation with jerks like that would only have upset your son, and accomplised little else. You were the better man for it.

  • Flyawaydragon60

    Amen to that!

  • Wendy

    I am so sorry. I have an Autistic son who will be 24 this year and he is the best thing that ever happened to me he is the light of my life. I wish all the best for you and yours. Love you all Wendy

  • Jean Koster

    I know your feeling. My great-grandson has FXS and is Autistic. He is 3 years old and he also has “silent seizures” (with his eyes only). Taking him to a resturant is not good!!! He like to spread his food all over the tray on the high-chair and all over his head and face. We love him to pieces and thank God for giving him to us. He is so cute. My daughter, (his grandma) said to me “God made his so cute to cover up his disabilities!!! And that is the truth.! He is so loving at times! He always runs up to me and wants me to hold him. He squeeses his legs around my waist and hugs me tight and pats me on the back with both hands He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone very often. God bless you and your family. Just know that you are not alone!! Prayers always from a family from the FXS group of Parents and Grandparents~

  • Jean Koster

    I know your feeling. My great-grandson has FXS and is Autistic. He is 3 years old and he also has “silent seizures” (with his eyes only). Taking him to a resturant is not good!!! He like to spread his food all over the tray on the high-chair and all over his head and face. We love him to pieces and thank God for giving him to us. He is so cute. My daughter, (his grandma) said to me “God made his so cute to cover up his disabilities!!! And that is the truth.! He is so loving at times! He always runs up to me and wants me to hold him. He squeeses his legs around my waist and hugs me tight and pats me on the back with both hands He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone very often. God bless you and your family. Just know that you are not alone!! Prayers always from a family from the FXS group of Parents and Grandparents~

  • jojos-mom

    WOW! i am a semi new beliver iv only been walking right for about 3 years now and that is something i have to say you are stong on. if i ever heard anyone disrespecting my son i would let it be known i heard not in aa loud disrespectful way but i would have let it be know. it breaks my heart and brings tears to my eye. because like i tell everryone who makes comments twords my son, “this is autism instead of stareing say a prayer for my son.” i also had a friend of mine make up buisness cards with a lil scripture and a picture of my jojo.

  • Christopher

    Im Glad the resteraunt stood up and did the right thing.

  • Hot headed Mom

    My daughter has autism and I can be bold at times so no doubt I would have made some sort of comment back to the woman in anger and disgust. Good for you for keeping your cool. And congrats to your Dad for taking the initiative to explain the situation to the tables around them. Good for Outback- actually banning a patron for their behavior, now that IS bold!

  • Tbolyer1972

    This was a heartwrenching story. I have a special needs child and she is the light of my life… and yes, it hurts when I hear someone call her that. It’s sad that even some of my own family members shy away from her because she is different. But they are the ones who are missing out. Heather is the most loving child I have ever known and I am blessed to have her. She is a special gift from God.

  • Courts

    what a story!! Kudo’s to the Outback for taking responsibility and making it a little bit better. Bet it was the Grandad, who had the class to quietly take care of it in his own way, by saving the meal with his family and appropriately informing those capable of doing something instead of dealing with the true “retards” in the restaurant!!

    • Cjfox3

      You clearly don’t get this story and you should be ashamed of yourself!

  • Jon0292

    I also have a grandchild that has autism. I also know how people react when around my grandson, He is also hyper, it is hard for him to sit still. Why oh why do they except allot of other things, this could happen to them also. Our children are our gifts from God and are special. It is what it is and the love for these children seam greater, you take nothing they the do for granted. My love is so strong for these kids and adults, all they want is to be loved and understanding, just like the rest of us. How very rude.
    Susan from Il.

  • Audrey

    I myself have borderline Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of autism, and I can’t talk over the phone too well either.(Much more articulate in writing; I can think things out before I say them and edit them later.) I hate it how people will just throw that word around and not stop to think about what it does. It’s not just a word, it’s able to hurt people and ruin an otherwise perfect night (except the cold food…)

    I got diagnosed near the end of third grade. The reason for this is that my third grade teacher liked to use the word on me. At the start of the year, my mom tried explaining things to her, but she didn’t get it. All she saw was this weird kid that needed to be made “normal”. But I am not “normal”! I don’t want to be! So when I couldn’t be made “normal”, she labeled me as a screw up, and didn’t hesitate to tell my classmates. And it didn’t just make my life miserable, it affected my twin sister, too (fraternal, and not autistic. I followed her around because she accepted me and I learned a lot of social etiquette from her) because aren’t all twins exactly the same? Don’t they like, share brains or something? *dripping sarcasm* (I understand humor pretty well, unlike lots of Aspy people)

    People need to realize that there is nothing wrong with us. Having Autism is like liking pie. Does liking pie make you different? Yes. Does it make you “ill”? (I hate the term “mental illness” for the same reason) No. Does it mean you need to be “fixed”? No.

    WELL THERE YA GO!
    I am different. Everyone is different. If we were all the same, humans would probably be extinct by now. But I am not ill. I do not need to be fixed.

    (wow, this one turned into a rant…)

  • Yocarol5

    I can’t understand how some people can be so hard and ignorant. It is bad enough when a grown person can act like that,and even worse when it is a child with special needs that they are talking about. It is perfectly clear that if an adult can act like that towards any one with special needs then they are the ones that retarted .

  • Hmmom6

    WOW! This is so sad..but give God the glory for your patience in this situation! may continue to bles your entire family! Thank you Jesus for this lil man of God..may he fullfill every purpose you have for him.

  • stefanie

    i have autism an no the odds are high thaty i could have a child on the asd to as disbilty run in my family ,if i ever heard someone say that if iu have a kid i dont no if i could conrtol myself i think i would give that person a new a hole .or something .that just so rude .im hf now but i no that i can be seem like im not becuse of my autism get in way an peole say things in front of me like they think i cant here or im dumd it really make me mad sometimes

    • Audrey

      Oh, man, I know how it feels to be talked about like you aren’t there. I am quiet because I have Asperger’s, so people think I’m too dumb to talk to them, but really I’m just shy. I figured out that the opinions of morons don’t mean anything, and if they are going to judge me without even knowing me, then they must be morons (but don’t call them morons to their face, I made that mistake once, and it doesn’t end well)

  • caitymack

    people just stop calling kids retard i have a disability i’m cogtive inpatered i also have add i have to take medicane for my disability but i still get to do thing like a normal person igo to the movies and do spical oymplymics and i listin to justn bieber and i saw justin bieber movie and i went to see justin bieber in concerted i relized i will never have a boyfriend or i;ll will never get married or have kids but i’m ok with that my live is good i have family and friends who love me and when i was in school i use to be called retard calling people name is not nice

  • Wandahankins68

    I’m really upset just reading how a “supposed adult” spoke about your son!” We also have a special needs grandson and someone wouldve been apologizing & possibly injured had it been my Grandson.
    But in turn think of how many people youve possibly hurt with this comment… “Imagine someone calling your child a retard. Worthless. Less than human.”
    Why do we have to label each other??!!!

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Wanda, you need to re-read the piece. The reference you spoke of is referring to the woman who degraded my son. The mindset of her and people like her.

      • Wandahankins68

        My apologies for the mis-read

        • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

          Oh, no problem. I just didn’t want you to think I was trying to say those things applied. No child fits those descriptions no matter how much some people would like to make them fit.

  • sympathizer of the child

    Well my nephew is autistic and behaved extremely badly in retaurants all the time. I think the parents of autistic children should think about how the child feels in a noisy enviroment where they sometimes have to wait forever for food. Preparing ahead and having something in your purse fo the child to snack on is a good idea. All the activity and noise can bother children with autism. Avoiding places that have long waits would be better since most children barely have the patience to wait for food.. The lady should not have called him retarted but if my ” normal ” if there is such a thing child misbehaves in a restaurant I leave. You could have left instead of making your child wait 2 hours for cold food. Just saying you had a choice too!

    • Cjfox3

      Your not sympathizing with this child your trying to tell the mother that what she had gone through was her fault. Nobody has the right to use that word, ever and nobody should have to leave the restaurant because their child is making noises that are just a part of her behavior. The problem is with ignorant people that can’t except the fact that we are all different. If you have a problem with people making noises don’t go out in public.

      • Kanin

        Would you like me to scream in your ear during your dinner. Sometimes I feel Luke doing that. Sorry, but children/people need to learn decorum and respect.

      • Kanin

        Would you like me to scream in your ear during your dinner. Sometimes I feel Luke doing that. Sorry, but children/people need to learn decorum and respect.

    • [email protected]

      I agree. I have a child with SID and he can have issues at restaurants or any place one must be seated quietly. However, I don’t ever, ever allow his behavior to upset others. I think as a parent this blogger failed his child. If people are complaining and grandpa feels the need to explain the behavior that chd should have been taken out of outback. I don’t care what the reason- nobody should be allowed to make a scene. Autistic children need boundaries and to be told the social rules which aren’t apparent to them. I’m sorry but this parent did wrong and whe nobody should say the r word, I would have asked for this family to be removed from the restaurant. Just because you have a child with special needs doesn’t give you a pass- rather you have been chosen because you are strong enough to show them the way.

      • Garziol

        If you actually have a child with SID I’ll bet you keep them hidden in the basement so no one knows they exist with an attitude like that. People like you are an embarrassment and what’s wrong with society. I feel sorry for your child having to be under the thumb of a person like you.

    • Songhope

      I think you have a point but, once you’re sitting there, you keep thinking it can’t be much longer and anyway, it’s more time & trouble to hunt up another restaurant. It’s just not an easy situation and simple answers aren’t always the right ones for EVERY situation.

  • Aspergerscolorado

    Wow, you had contact with a lot of great people during this experience. Those who shared food with you, the others who understood and a corporation who stood behind your family. Focus on the positive!!!

  • Mandyrennhack

    Hi Audrey,(and everyone) I recently found out my 8 year old son is borderline autistic. He is in the third grade. They believe he has aspergers. We are going to a second visit to the autistic center. I knew he was “different” but just chalked it up to he was “spoiled”. He seemed very set in his ways. I was still dressing him up to last year, not cuz he needed me to, he knew how to do it,… I just did it cuz it was a fight if I didn’t. It made our mornings run so much smoother…well, now I know the reason why… he liked the routine. I stopped when a friend of mine whom runs a daycare called me out and said that I shouldn’t be dressing him. Then it turned into laying them out in the same spot every morning. He is still “stuck” on me getting his socks tho, LOL. I take him to resturants and people do look at him cuz he acts different, he doesn’t care much about what people think, and when people stare at him it is like they are thinking…”what a loud naughty boy..” in reality, that is not loud to us, I am looking at him like: “what an angel he is being” :) I have learned so much about aspergers in the last 6 months, I feel like a whole new world has opened for us, and it is comforting to know that there is a rhyme and reason to this puzzle.
    I would just like to add that “autistic” children are extremely smart. My son was watching a movie with me the other night. A detective in the movie fired a couple shots with a gun, another detective asked her how many she fired… the woman said, “I don’t know” ……….my son yelled out 5……..then a couple minutes later in the movie, the male detective confirmed it was five, when the female thought it was 3 or 4. There are alot of situations like this one, but that is just an example. He is my whole world and I am proud of him.

  • Tmccreery

    Thank you for this post. My Daughter is mentally handicapped and that 6 letter word upsets me like no other and I don’t tolerate it in my presense. It is completely offensive and hopefully someday will be removed from the English language. But I guess that will take Adults acting like “Adults” should and teaching their children “right” from “wrong”, which doesn’t seem to be too common in this day and age in our Country. It’s a sad situation….and it doesn’t seem to get better, just worse. Best of luck to you and your family….you have a beautiful Son…..and thank you for helping to raise awareness.

  • Theresa A Garza

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have a couple of friends who has children with autism and they have been some of the most kind, loving and patient parents I have ever ment. I wish I could only be as good as them. Gracias!

  • stacie nesselrotte

    this really hits home with me, thank you for trying to educate people on something that should be common sense!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elysa-Mac/758074632 Elysa Mac

    Thank you for reminding me to not judge other children’s kids too quickly or harshly. One never knows what situation a family is in or what obstacles and challenges a kid is facing. We must be careful not to write them off as bratts, products of bad parenting, or the r-word.

  • Songhope

    Thanks for the courage to write this! Thank you for reminding me to be conscious about language. I most certainly WILL speak up if I hear that word used. I have used it to denigrate MYSELF, but never another. I will never uuter it again!

  • http://goinswriter.com Jeff Goins

    Amazed at how this post is still affecting people’s lives.

  • A loving Grandma…D. Smidt

    Oh, my–this brought tears to my eyes! Some people are just so oblivious to the REAL world and the hurt that thoughtless words can bring. To think of someone reacting this way to our grandchildren makes my heart hurt–and especially after an explanation was given……..so heartless! I’m glad this story has been shared–maybe there are a few more people enlightened about this!

  • http://scaredapancakes.blogspot.com kd

    It’s ignorance behind the belief shared by some that autism is simply a made-up excuse for bad behavior. When an autistic child acts up in public, it’s a totally different situation than when a typically developing child acts up in public. You can’t hold the same standards for a child who can’t speak or comprehend language in a typical way, who sees and senses the environment differently, who may be unable to control emotions due to an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex–etc. Next time you’re in that situation pass out these business cards created by starkravingmadmommy: “Thanks for your concern and understanding. Our child has autism, a neurological disorder. We’re making an effort to give our child the same everyday experiences that others may take for granted.” http://www.zazzle.com/our_child_has_autism_card_business_card-240472244425832579

  • Simona

    My daughter would have been playing up after ten minutes and by the time food came out would be a nightmare Eli acted no worse and a lot better than any other child, I hope you can put the words of that uncaring woman behind you.. If she had no children of her own I could understand it more.. i hope you have had many meals out that have passed without incident to make up for this one time..

    Simon

  • http://rasjacobson.wordpress.com Renee Schuls-Jacobson

    I’m coming late to the table, so to speak, but I found you via Larry Hehn’s blog. And Larry always makes me think.

    There is a part of me that doesn’t like the idea of the “language police” telling people what words to use when. As an educator, I need to be able to use lots of words which show up in essays. Sometimes these words make us uncomfortable, but it’s in that squirmy moment where I can get people to learn. So when I hear Tom Golisano asking people to stop using the word retard, I flinch a little.

    “Retard” can mean to delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment.

    Obviously, we are talking about using the word in the pejorative, or in a mocking manner.

    So here is where the other side of me kicks in: to me it isn’t about the word, it is about the attitude shown by the people in the booth next door. They could have said “asshole” or “loser” or any other word. The point is they were bothered by your son’s behavior. His noises. His complains.

    Okay, they have the right to be bothered. They have the right to go out in public and have the kind of dining experience they want – just as much as your family does. And, let’s face it, sometimes the people in the booth next door are losers. Sometimes they smoke. Sometimes they swear. Sometimes they are cray-zee loud. Sometimes there is a baby screaming in your ear. It happens. So the question becomes what should one do when one is bothered in a public place? Is it possible to still act with civility or does a person have to get nasty?

    If a family is annoyed, they have the right to leave the public place. The folks in the booth next door could have discreetly asked to be relocated to another, more quiet area where their children could watch their screens with less interruption. If they were bothered, they could have spoken directly to you and perhaps learned – first-hand – about the situation. Perhaps they might have opened their hearts to your situation. Perhaps you might have had a good laugh about the lousy service and cold bloomin’ onion. But they got all passive aggressive on you.

    The people in the booth next door wanted you to hear them. They wanted you to be uncomfortable. Honestly, I’m grateful that your child didn’t hear them, their nastiness.

    I’m glad you responded with civility.

  • Juliegross

    I am a one-on-one assistant at an elementary school with a little boy who has autism. I am finishing up my 2nd year of working with him. He is very precious to me and probably does more to teach me than what I do for him. He is truly amazing! It did kind of sting for me, at first, to read what the lady at the booth said about your son. But then I just felt sorry for her. Only someone who is spiritually empty inside would be able to make a comment like that. As far as the waiter, he just sounds like a young boy who probably didn’t really have the experience to know how to handle a situation like that. But I’m guessing it wouldn’t have mattered as far as that family was concerned. They need lots of prayers for understanding.

  • AmericanPatriot

    The whole thing is REDICULOUS !!!! THE WORD RETARDED OR RETARD SHOULD NOT BE BANNED IN AMERICA, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE THAT IGNORANT ????Retard is a form of Retarded, NOT A DIRTY WORD !! There are other uses for the word Retarded and Retard.The spray finally RETARDED the growth of the mold !!!! for only ONE EXAMPLE.People that use WORDS WRONG in order to be mean will NEVER CHANGE, most of them are just plain mean period !! The fastest way to make a word be used MORE is to try and FORCE PEOPLE NOT TO USE IT !!!!If people are offended by the mean slur “retard” those people must be taught NOT TO LET IT BOTHER THEM !!! Once a word like “retard” that is used as a slur is IGNORED the MEAN people will STOP because they will not get the reaction they are looking for.Too many things are being BANNED in America, A FREE COUNTRY. in the name of STUPID POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. IT IS TIME TO STOP POLITICAL CORRECTNESS NOT KEEP IT GOING WITH STUPID MOVEMENTS LIKE YOURS !!!!At one time the German people were not bothered by saying HEIL HITLER !! PLUS at one time “Dinner guests brought glasses etched with the words “Heil Hitler” as house gifts.”BANNING VALID ENGLISH WORDS IN AMERICA IS AS BAD AS FORCING FOUL WORDS LIKE HEIL HITLER ONTO PEOPLE !!!I WILL NEVER HELP BAN A COMPLETELY VALID WORD IN AMERICA !!

  • Nicole

    This is a touching story, and I’m sorry it happened to your family. I’ve never used that word. I admire you for raising awareness, and for restraining yourself in the restaurant. Also, kudos to the elderly couple who sacrificed their appetizer, and to the restaurant for being so understanding.
    Once again, I’m sorry your family experienced this.

  • Richard Moore

    Wow that is amazing that she would even say that in earshot. Pretty amazing how brash people can be. I have a child with Down syndrome, and I might not have been as forgiving. Thanks for listening to the Holy Spirit. God bless you!

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